Surface and breathe.

Things have happened.

Ten years’ worth of GST credit cheque backlog showed up in the mail recently. The sum ran into four digits. To say I was shocked to see it is something of an understatement.

Two days ago, I received a phone call from the long-term disability office. The worker on the other end of the line asked if I could go in the next day to fill out the final paperwork — not December, but now. It was during my meeting with her that I learned my application had been approved back in June, and that retroactive benefits in the form of another four-digit number would be deposited in my account next week.

I have been able to get myself all the little self-care things I couldn’t afford before, such as new clothes and shows I haven’t watched in four decades. I have been able to get the small household things and foods that most people take for granted, like tissues, dry sweeping cloths, honey, coffee, paper towels. I have been able to eat more foods than just oatmeal, rice, and bread with peanut butter and jam.

My fridge is full, and I no longer feel guilty about eating from it.

Today, despite being in shocking amounts of pain and stiffness, I can breathe a little easier.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, universe.

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