Backhanded blessings.

Thanks to my distressed condition, I ended up staying awake to call the long-term disability funding office to check on the status of my application, as it’s been nearly three months since I submitted the thing without a peep.

Good news: it was approved yesterday. Oh dear fucking god yes thank you.

Bad news: due to their backlog, I now have to wait another three months before I can get an appointment to see a worker and set things up.

rrrrgh.

Rollercoaster brain.

Had a really bad downswing tonight. How bad, you ask? Put it this way: I went out into the dark of night around 10:30 pm to get alcohol from the liquor store. The entire 750 mL bottle of “Trois Pistoles” is gone, drank mostly with a “dinner” that consisted solely of a can of beans in maple syrup, followed later by a few slices of toast with margarine and more maple syrup. As I type, I’m drinking from a brandy glass consisting of about 1/3 peach-flavoured vodka topped off with mango juice.

I hate my brain. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I don’t know how else to deal with it other than numbing it the fuck out. Worse, I don’t care what happens to me as a result of this.

Help.