The long crawl.

The surgery went well. I spent the first day pissing a lot of watery blood, which seems to have been a side effect of the procedure. Recovery’s been slow and laden with pain dull and sharp despite regular doses of naproxen — some of it actually feels worse than from the previous surgery — and I can’t be on my feet very long before I need to be off them again. It was still worth it. My immediate concern is now bone density.

I admit to wondering briefly whether I’d wake up from the anaesthetic. Part of me didn’t want to. The other part is just trudging mechanically along.

My cat Immi barely left my side during the first couple of days, which I spent mostly abed. She took very good care of me.

I also received the application forms for the long-term funding and have been filling them out. The sooner I can get it to the right office, the sooner I can bring the necessary paperwork to my psychiatrist to sign. Just need to hang on a little longer.

How odd that I should be sweeping up the pieces of my life while death occurs all around me. I almost feel like the centre of a storm.

Going to need the gabapentin to sleep tonight. The pain is a bit too much to ignore this time.


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